Memorandum

Reading Well

2011-11-25T11:31:00.002-05:00

"Surely, you cannot fail to know how much a man of education is helped toward understanding the written word by repeated reading. No difficulty in understanding occurs (or, if any, very little) where there is facility in reading, and this gains in scope with successive repetitions. Constant application [brings to fruition] what [through inattention] would have remained immature." Augustine of Hippo

Plans

2011-11-15T11:50:00.002-05:00

"we ought to have the humility to admit we do not know all about ourselves, that we are not experts at running our own lives. We ought to stop taking our conscious decisions with such infinite seriousness. It may well be that we are not the martyrs or the mystics or the apostles or the leaders or the lovers of God that we imagine ourselves to be. Our subconscious mind may be trying to tell us this in many ways-and we have trained ourselves, with the most egregious self-righteousness to turn a deaf ear." Thomas Merton

A few pages later:

"Prayer is inspired by God in the depth of our own nothingness. It is the movement of trust, of gratitude, of adoration, or of sorrow that places us before God, seeing both Him and ourselves in the light of His infinite truth..." Merton

Time to be Thankful

2011-09-24T10:55:00.003-04:00

"...the 'memorial' of the Last Supper has several dimensions: through it, in the present, the past becomes a new reality, but the future becomes a reality that is already...a foretaste of the kingdom to come..." Zizioulas

When I went to Israel last summer, my first significant memory after the daze of over-seas travel began to subside, was riding in the bus from the airport in Tel Aviv toward or upward rather to the old city of Jerusalem. This bus ride is like a dream in my memory as it was in my experience of it. Bishop Lebhar explained to us the Jewish understanding of time in terms of the Passover meal: when Jews participate in the Passover now they are participating in the same meal the original Jews did in Moses' time. In the same way, when we eat and drink the Lord's Supper we are participating in the same meal that the twelve shared in the upper room that dark night. I think the future element may have been mentioned on the bus but it hit me this morning as I read John Z. In the Lord's Supper, we are also participating, in some sense, in the marraige supper of the lamb. Or are we not? There is a sense where there is a sure not-yet-ness to the marraige supper. Jesus says he will not drink wine again until the supper in the future. But still, there seems to be the already/not-yet tension to keep in mind. The idea that we are already participating in the supper is a great joy, breaking down the sad separation of this and the next life.

Keep Praying Naomi

2011-07-01T18:02:00.003-04:00

My sister and brother-in-law have been teaching my niece Naomi to pray, especially before meals, and she has learned one prayer which I have come to appreciate very much: "Help Uhnote find wife." We are in this together Naomi, thank you for praying, after all you want to have some cousins don't you? I always thought I would get married around 22 or so and am now 27. I am enjoying life despite not having the companionship of a wife but probably need to be married before too long. Today was both dis- and en- couraging. I was studying at Lake Ella in Tallahassee this afternoon for my upcoming sermon. In the middle of thinking about the nature and awesomeness of Jesus' parable of the sower I looked up to see this absolutely gorgeous, "marry-me", beautiful, etcetera woman walking toward me. Ashley is a news reporter for a local station here in Tallahassee and was working on a story and wanted the opinion of locals concerning the possibility of Starbucks, Burger King, and Sonic selling alcohol. She taped my thoughts and then we began to talk for a bit and found out that we had both lived in Jacksonville and both studied at UNF and both graduated at the same time from the same College (Arts and Sciences) and had both been in Tallahassee for only a month. When I got home I called the news station and asked if there was reporter named Ashley there and the operator sent me to her voice-mail because she was "out in the field" so I left a message. I asked what time the story would be on TV and asked if she would like to go to lunch or for coffee some day. She called back while I was leaving the message and I asked her the same things. She said to let her think about it and (because) she has a boyfriend. Sigh... The encouraging part about today is that those kind of meetings happen. Keeping me chin up.

Eucharist Categories and Mystery

2011-06-06T19:44:00.003-04:00

I want to explore this more: the idea that when we consider the sacraments, specifically the Eucharist, we are not just thinking in terms of the spiritual and/or the physical but in terms of a third category which includes both in a way that may be indescribable.

Its a Long Way From Timeout to Contemplative Prayer

2011-05-22T08:28:00.005-04:00

The other day, my niece was put in time-out after disobeying her mom, despite her attempted escape from punishment in the form of saying "Obey...obey" meaning, 'now that I see that you are going to punish me I want you to know that I am going to obey, just don't go through with the punishment.' Naomi was forced to sit without playing with or saying anything for one minute which for my curious and energetic niece seems forever. It made me wonder if timeout is a helpful way to discipline. From early on, she will associate being still and silent for extended periods of time with punishment.

Tri-Authored Garden Poem

2011-05-16T16:28:00.002-04:00

This is a poem written by a couple of friends and myself about a garden. With the common theme of the garden we took turns writing one line after another, not seeing each other's work until it was complete:

Roots stretching into the earth drink in life

bulb and seed, hidden deep and sent, but asleep

Society of coloured races race to breath the living air

We are fed from the dirt-real life into our bodies

Buds, full of invisible verve

Mighty green army thrusting green blades deep into the air

My hands touch the benefit-seed has become nourishment

All this remains incipient Eden till actualized by tongue and teeth

Floating on the ground cloud, rising to the lonely mouth, filling and running in.

Of Adventures with Poetry in Woods

2011-03-07T17:45:00.002-05:00

1) Having carefully crossed the raging river on a snowy fallen tree, we paused seeking comfort in the words of Emily Dickinson. Alas, Emily foretold of dangers to come:

2) The Kiss of Death, only recently classified, hid waiting for another victim. Morgan could not resist this visual Siren call.

3) Having fatally kissed this new wonder, Morgan's initial euphoria quickly turns to hallucination.

4) Halfway to our journey's end we rest, looking at the mighty giant's backbone we have just trekked. Pocahontas (who was, as it turns out, many other people all at the same time (this may not make sense to any who were not there)) ponders this half accomplishment.

5) The troll stick, aka, my temporary walking cane, was freaking Morgan out so I decided to part with it.

6) We were moving so fast on the way back that my shoes caught on fire. Journey's end.

Spontaneous Trip to Niagara Falls

2011-03-04T08:11:00.003-05:00

1) Convinced Renae to spend the day with us, leaving for Niagara Falls around 2:30 PM and returning to Pittsburgh around 3:00 AM. She has a ten page paper due today. But thankfully she is crazy on a regular basis and has become accustomed to such shenanigans. There are no dull moments with Nae Nae :) I would trust Charley with my life but it was funny, the first time Charley drove my car he stalled out after we talked about the fact that he could indeed drive stick.

2) This is the farthest north I have ever been, been pretty far south (Brasil) and East (Israel). The only direction I have yet to go is West (have every intention of going to Hawaii though).

3) We wondered...what would someone think and feel just before going and then going over the edge. Charley suggested that it would be more than just a simple fear of death. I agree. Surreal place.

4) Cheers! To doing what we say we are going to do. Charley and I have talked about wanting to go to Niagara Falls since last semester. In this restaurant we enjoyed delicious pizza and beer (so American of us and I guess Canadian too :)

5) On our way home I discovered that I have my own village.

The Abbey of Gethsemani

2011-01-25T23:18:00.003-05:00

There is Hope

2010-09-08T14:48:00.004-04:00

On Labor Day I was canoeing with my friend Charley and a 15-year-old girl that was in our group. As we were paddling along in the middle of a lake she said "This is a good way to get away from my cellphone...I am usually always playing with my phone or on the computer." She was enjoying creation and said so. Honey to my ears.

Angels Appearing?

2010-08-31T14:18:00.003-04:00

A couple of nights ago my house-mate Todd and I were hanging out with Todd's girlfriend, who was visiting from out of town, and a couple of other friends. I was tired and came on home to sleep and indeed fell into a deep sleep (on the awesome queen-size-pillow-top bed I found in the beer barn). Todd and Stacy came on back to the house for a bit and then Stacy left to go to the house she was sleeping at. As Todd was walking Stacy to her car she closed the door as Todd was telling her not to close it because he did not have his keys with him. So Todd was locked out and had to come around back to my bedroom window which has been open since we moved in. The head of my bed was, until I rearranged things this morning, right next to the window. I woke up to Todd calling out, "Wes...Wes..." and I woke up in a daze, looking around my room but seeing nothing and still hearing this voice and became, for a few long seconds, frightened at what I literally thought was some sort of angel or something speaking to me in the night. I was thinking of several stories in the Scriptures about angels appearing and or speaking to people whose reaction was always fear. I now understand what it is like to have an unusual presence present in your most comfortable place. Homiletics 101.

This and That in Ambridge So Far

2010-08-18T14:17:00.005-04:00

Ambridge is a wonderful place, a community like nothing I've experienced before. Katherine Regan is my kind, loving, sharp-minded, Irish, Catholic, retired school teacher, 92-year old next-door neighbor. She has lived in that house her whole life. Her hearing is not the best which means that there are plenty of opportunities to "come on up" which translates to "come sit on my porch and talk with me for a while", which I enjoy. She told me how I have come to Ambridge at a bad time, thinking of the good ole war days when the steel mills flourished and everyone had a job. I am surprised at how well she gets around, always working in her yard and driving here and there. She gives me the Pittsburgh and Beaver County newspapers a few times a week which is how she keeps up with the happenings of her home...never owned a computer. She retired from teaching the year before computers were to be implemented into the school system. I am not surprised she has such a sharp mind although I started to suspect a bit of decay one day when a man fell on the sidewalk and cut is head with his glasses. Katherine asked the paramedics if they needed some tissue to clean him up. So... But she is 92.

It has been a fun summer month here: a bus tour of Pittsburgh, a going away party for a new friend, visiting the Warhol museum downtown, seeing the city at night from Mt. Washington, a house-cooling party, reading ahead for classes, moving people into their new homes, bike rides on hilly roads, chatting with family on gmail-chat which allows Naomi and me to see each other, swimming, moving people into their new homes, playing (and dominating) Settlers of Catan, visiting different flavors of Anglicanism, walking all over town, writing down crazy dreams as I have started to keep a pen and pad by bed, taking care of insurance and car stuff, learning the Greek alphabet, playing at an open-mic night, meeting new house-mate, going to the movies and helping people move into their new homes.

Discovering Character

2010-08-10T11:14:00.000-04:00

"'She has known him only a fortnight. She danced four dances with him at Meryton; she saw him one morning at his own house, and has since dined in company with him four times. This is not quite enough to make her understand his character."' Jane Austin

I enjoy meeting new people, having first impressions of them and then living alongside them for a while, constantly having my impressions of them (re)formed as we interact in various situations. Mosaics, constantly expanding, with beautiful and ugly pieces.

May I Be a False Prophet

2010-06-03T12:02:00.002-04:00

Hopefully I will be proven a false prophet when I say that I can see the day when people start getting offended when you ask them a question about their lives that could have been answered by viewing their Facebook page. And the day when if someone deletes their Facebook page people start wondering if the person is suicidal.

Trinity School for Ministry

2010-05-11T19:36:00.002-04:00

I am writing from a computer here in the library at Trinity School for Ministry in Ambridge, PA. Haven't written for a while; haven't seen a new place on this earth for a while and am enjoying both.

Teeth and the Resurrection

2009-12-06T18:59:00.002-05:00

It is exciting when a baby gets her first teeth and even more exciting when she looses her baby teeth allowing her permanent teeth to begin growing. Baby teeth must die in order for adult/new/mature teeth to grow in place of the old ones. Permanent teeth have to be taken care of if they are in fact going to be permanent. They have to be brushed and flossed and can't have too many immature sugary substances influencing/on them for long. Many times they need braces to put them in line and retainers to keep them there. They are prone to decay unless they are constantly kept clean, washed. Deep roots also help in assuring their permanence but are not necessary. It is exciting when a baby is born, when a new life begins, but even more exciting when the baby/immature/fleshly life passes away only for the adult/mature/spiritual life to begin to grow. And this new life has to be nutured within the context of the Church.

Fame

2009-11-30T14:27:00.000-05:00

I am interested to see how 'fame' will change with an increasing amount and use of network devices such as Youtube, Facebook, etc.

Change the World by Loving Your Spouse

2009-10-28T21:11:00.004-04:00

"To love one another! If only each partner could move sincerely towards the other! If each could only melt into the other! If each would only accept the other's successes and failures! If each would only praise the other's qualities instead of listing his faults! If each could only correct bad habits without harping on about them! If each could penetrate the other's most secret haunts to forestall failure and be a support while tending to the evils that are repressed! The success of the family is born of a couple's harmony, as the harmony of multiple instruments creates a pleasant symphony. The nation is made up of all the families, rich or poor, united or separated, aware or unaware. The success of a nation therefore depends inevitably on the family." From So Long A Letter by Mariama Ba.

Jesus the Word

2009-10-08T19:30:00.004-04:00

Charles Sanders Peirce's definition of a sign is "something which stands to somebody for something in some respect or capacity." Consider the significance of Jesus' being "The Word become flesh." A sign is something-Jesus is something, that is, he exists. A sign "stands to somebody"-Jesus communicated himself to somebody, namely, the Father. A sign "stands to somebody for something"-Jesus stood for the Church, throughout his righteous life culminating in his crucifixion and resurrection. A sign stands to somebody for something in some respect or capacity"- He stands for us as the necessary sacrifice, the sacrificial lamb, appeasing God's wrath and even more, as the epitome of what humanity was meant to be. Jesus/The Word/Sign is, however, distinct from the entity (The Church) for which he stands, just as the signs we use are distinct from the objective realities to which they point. The context in which Jesus is described as the Word, the beginning of John, has obvious similarities to the creation story of Genesis which makes me wonder about the further significance of Jesus creating a new world, a redeemed and glorified world, increasingly better than the original.

Get On With It

2009-10-08T19:12:00.002-04:00

I wonder how many books I could have read with the time I have spent thinking about how many books are on my reading list.

"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind." Anonymous

American Dream

2009-09-23T10:44:00.002-04:00

Effort, to get 'there'.
Running, as on a treadmill.
Running, to nowhere.

Alliance

2009-09-18T14:54:00.002-04:00

Well, my idea about hiding in the fridge is a go for tonight and I have made an alliance with Jason. It seemed like the best way to go, considering Jamie's just-got-home routine is pretty consistent, which consists of walking straight to the fridge to devour whatever is inside. Then he usually turns around to the pantry to feed the dog. Well, tonight Jason and I are going to wait outside to watch for him to get home and run inside, me to the fridge and Jason to the pantry, a double-header.

Roomate Games

2009-09-18T13:04:00.002-04:00

One of my roommates and I have started a scare-you-when-you-least-expect-it game and we are currently at an even four to four. This started one day when we were walking through Publix to pick up some snacks and what not for a little road trip. I saw a pack of those little firecrackers, the ones where you pull the string and and they make a loud noise and shoot out streamers. So far, our techniques have consisted of setting off the firecrackers unexpectedly and at close range and hiding around corners, jumping out and yelling. [Well, as I was writing this post my other roommate decided to join in by sneaking into my room and grabbing my chair and yelling...so...4 to 4 to 1. So dishonorable, sneaking up behind me, like shooting someone in the back, although he didn't break either rule: 1) not while the victim is shaving or 2) sleeping.] We just established the rules this morning after Jason got me after I finished shaving. He was tempted to get me while shaving but then remembered another, golden rule and waited. I am planning, plotting how to take it to the next level and have come up with an idea. It will have to wait for a night when Jason closes at Red Lobster and Jamie and I are already home, or it could be when Jason and I are both home before Jamie gets home. I am going to empty out the fridge (wont take long at all) including the shelves and get inside, waiting for whoever it is to open the door. By the way, it is a myth that you can't open a fridge from the inside (another story).

Misunderstanding No-Eye-Contact

2009-09-14T18:03:00.003-04:00

Today in my anthropology class, Peoples and Cultures of Africa, one of the students who grew up in Africa told us of a time that he went to an interview for a visa or something like that. Throughout the course of the interview, the student (I have not yet learned his name) never made eye contact with the interviewer because, in his original culture, no eye contact is a sign of respect for authority. Unfortunately, in the interviewer's culture, no eye contact is a sign that someone is lying to you. He did not get the visa. I am learning more and more that understanding fellow humans is harder than I have always assumed it could be. We need lots of wisdom.

The Illusion of Importance

2009-09-04T11:33:00.004-04:00

"From where I stood I could see the course and the finishing posts. Press men were typing away and phoning editors and commenting through mikes to their radio stations. The races were in full swing and I felt heavy with a sense of inadequacy. I couldn't type, I had no one to phone anything to, I knew nothing about racing and I couldn't even locate the one man who could fill me in and make me feel that I was here for a purpose." from Ralph Steadman's The Jokes Over, a memoir on how he became the illustrator for the notorious Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson and their ensuing shenanigans.

This quote, concerning Steadman's initial reaction to the Kentucky Derby, reminds me of thoughts and feelings I have had while at various theme parks, fairs, Adventure Landing, Discovery Zone, Chucky Cheese, countless sporting events, concerts etc. Whenever I experience these places and/or events the phrase "The Illusion of Importance" comes to mind. There is a certain excitement in the air letting everyone their know that something is happening and that they should be glad to have not missed it. Reminiscing now, most of my experiences of such places and events have faded into distant memories just like the simple nights I spend at home or at work. I do not mean to encourage or discourage anyone from going to and enjoying such places and events. There is beauty in all of them. Just don't try to achieve or receive some grand satisfaction from impotent means. The majority of these times will not be historically significant (whatever that means) but there is a way, I am finding, to participate in something that is historically (and in many other ways) significant every week, namely, Communion or the Lord's Supper which is eating the flesh and drinking the blood of the one through whom the world was created and redeemed.

Goodbye Old Shirts

2009-08-26T18:56:00.003-04:00

When you start to wonder whether or not you could use your under-shirts as props for one of those feed-the-children videos, it is time to let them go. I recently bought a pack of new Tee-shirts that are about 20 shades brighter than my old ones which I have now thrown out. I need a wife.

I Need a Strategy and/or Dr. Mohler's Mind

2009-08-26T18:51:00.004-04:00

School just started back again and thank God this is my last semester, though I will miss many parts of my college stage of life. With being back at school comes running into many people that I have not seen for at least a few months of summer. I hate when someone comes up to me and says "Hey Wesley" or "Wes, whats up?" and I have no idea who they are. Their faces may look a bit familiar but to remember their name is impossible. Need to come up with some sort of strategy of remembering peoples names or have Dr. Mohler's mind switched with mine (which would be the downfall of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) because I remember when I went to Boyce and met him he remembered my name for a long time (he would walk his dog through our dormitory and we would flock to him to try to impress him with our deep theological discoveries and so he spoke with us from time to time). One strategy I thought of was to carry a Polaroid camera so when I meet someone I can take their picture and write their name on it (although many would probably find this creepy). But seriously, there has to be a way of remembering peoples names. This is important, people value when others remember their name. Any suggestions?

It's Amazing to Me

2009-08-24T22:33:00.003-04:00

that a person can one day or week be at the point of despair and the next day or week be at the point of wondering why and how God can be so good to his people.

One More Semester

2009-08-24T08:40:00.002-04:00

O Eternal God, bless all schools, colleges, and universities and especially the University of North Florida, that they may be lively centers for sound learning, new discovery, and the pursuit of wisdom; and grant that those who teach and those who learn may find you to be the source of all truth; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (BCP)

Christian Worship

2009-08-22T08:19:00.003-04:00

True yet cloudy sight.
When silence turns to loudness.
Pettiness away.

We Can Not See Jesus As We One Day Will

2009-07-14T09:38:00.002-04:00

"I did not then know what Brother William was seeking, and to tell the truth, I still do not know today, and I presume he himself did not know, moved as he was solely for the desire for truth, and by the suspicion-which I could see he always harbored-that the truth was not what was appearing to him at any given moment." From The Name of the Rose

The Beautiful Horror

2009-07-05T17:47:00.002-04:00

"The hosts of Isengard roared, swaying this way and that, turning from fear to fear. Again the horn sounded from the tower. Down through the breach of the Dike charged the king's company. Down from the hills leaped Erkenbrand, lord of Westfold. Down leaped Shadowfax, like a deer that runs surefooted in the mountains. The White Rider was upon them, and the terror of his coming filled the enemy with madness. The wild men fell on their faces before him. The Orcs reeled and screamed and cast aside both sword and spear. Like a black smoke driven by a mounting wind they fled. Wailing they passed under the waiting shadow of the trees; and from that shadow none ever came again." From The Two Towers

Unconscious Metaphor?

2009-07-04T10:36:00.002-04:00

J.R.R. Tolkien made clear that he did not intend his LOTR trilogy to be metaphorical in any way although I sometimes wonder, as I have been reading them, if he subconsciously wrote metaphorically, keeping in mind his devout Roman Catholic faith. In "The Two Towers" when Gandalf returns after being thought dead, he says, "I have passed through fire and deep water, since we parted." 'Death,' passing through fire, passing through water?

From "The Fellowship of the Ring"

2009-07-02T11:27:00.002-04:00

"'Tell me, Legolas, why did I come on this Quest? Little did I know where the chief peril lay! Truly Elrond spoke, saying that we could not forsee what we might meet upon our road. Torment in the dark was the danger that I feared, and it did not hold me back. But I would not have come, had I known the danger of light and joy. Now I have taken my worst wound in this parting, even if I were to go this night straight to the Dark Lord. Alas for Gimli son of Gloin!"

Random Thought Concerning Future Career

2009-06-26T12:48:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago a thought came to mind: "Start a radio show." Maybe I will, down the road. I have the voice for it and many things to say in many different ways (even more so down the road). Who knows? Or I could put my English major to use and be a fortune-cookie-message-writer.

Afternoon Naps

2009-06-09T12:44:00.000-04:00

should be added to our lists of 'means of grace.'

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

2009-06-04T09:48:00.002-04:00

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Calvino

2009-06-02T20:47:00.002-04:00

"Long novels written today are perhaps a contradiction: the dimension of time has been shattered, we cannot love or think except in fragments of time each of which goes off along its own trajectory and immediately disappears."

Scripture-Reading on Bus

2009-06-01T13:24:00.002-04:00

Today, as I rode the bus to school, I was reminded by one of three pre-recorded messages over the intercom to "treat others as you would like to be treated."

Love and Science

2009-04-29T10:06:00.005-04:00

"Wes Jackson of the Land Institute said once, thinking of the nuclear power and genetic engineering industries, 'We ought to stay out of the nuclei.' I remember that because I felt that he was voicing, not scientific intelligence, but a wise instinct: an intuition, common enough among human beings, that some things are and ought to be forbidden to us, off-limits, unthinkable, foreign, properly strange. I remember it furthermore because my own instinctive wish was to 'stay out of the nuclei,' and, as I well knew, this wish amounted exactly to nothing. One can hardly find a better example of modern science as a public predicament. For modern scientists work with everybody's proxy, whether or not that proxy has been given. A good many people, presumably, would have chosen to 'stay out of the nuclei,' but that was a choice they did not have. When a few scientist decided to go in, they decided for everybody. This 'freedom of scientific inquiry' was immediately transformed into the freedom of corporate and / or governmental exploitation. And so the freedom of the originators and exploiters has become, in effect, the abduction and imprisonment of all the rest of us. Adam was the first, but not the last, to choose for the whole human race." from Wendell Berry's Life is a Miracle: An Essay Against Modern Superstition

Berry is older, wiser and more experienced than me which makes me hope that his statement that the "intuition...[to not pursue scientific experimentation with the nuclei is] common enough among human beings, that some things are and ought to be forbidden to us, off-limits, unthinkable, foreign , properly strange" is true. From my experience at the university i have to disagree, supposing that the student body and faculty are close to an accurate representation of humanity nowadays; at the university, for the most part, Man is god and god has no limits. We can and should conquer/answer every question. All of this is, however ironically, within a prevailing postmodern attitude of doubting everything. Explain this paradox to me professors and fellow students. Maybe this is why, in two ways, I am so ready to get the hell out of that place. Hell is the absence of YHWH. Ichabod.

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." Proverbs 3: 1-12

I can only imagine what scientific enquiry would look like if only this bit of the Proverbs were studied and embraced first, if scientific experimentation was pursued humbly out of love for God and man.

Easter Egg Hunt

2009-04-16T13:02:00.002-04:00

Phone-less Lessons

2009-04-15T21:19:00.004-04:00

What I learned without a cell-phone: I missed people, which is good because when I saw them again I appreciated the time we spent together more than I otherwise would have.

Another related lesson learned was that I enjoyed wherever I was more because wherever I was was the only place I had to invest in.

Thank god...

2009-04-07T16:13:00.002-04:00

my phone is broken. I look forward to seeing how this 'loss' will help me think differently about where I am and who I am with.

Mystery

2009-04-06T11:51:00.002-04:00

When this makes sense, that doesn't and when that does this doesn't. Scientific enquiry is grossly overrated. Mystery is good, like bread and wine.

The Irony and Ignorance of Racism

2009-03-25T15:57:00.002-04:00

Many a white people spend hours at the beach or pool in the sun to make their skin darker. Many of the same people assume the worst of African-American people after only seeing the dark color of their skin. This is insanity; this is blatant hate.

Reading Well

2009-03-25T13:37:00.001-04:00

"But Tom got into a book, crawled and groveled between the covers, tunneled like a mole among the thoughts, and came up with the book all over his face and hands." John Steinbeck, from East of Eden.

Girl in Picture ->

2009-03-20T09:26:00.000-04:00

My mom recently asked me who the girl in the picture to the right is. Natalie and I met at Red Lobster and started hanging out all the time one summer. I remember having weekly religious discussions at Chick-Fil-A while her son would play (hit other kids) in the play place. She has been a faithful Jehovah's Witness for large portions of her life. Last summer or the one before that (they sometimes run together in my mind) she was very into her religion. We both enjoyed being pushed to explain our respective beliefs and would sit for hours doing the same. These were good times and I miss them. Natalie took out a loan to go to school to become a masseuse (although you are not supposed to use the name 'masseuse' because of the whorish ways of those women who first bore the name) and decided to take me out one night because she had extra money. We went to an awesome fine-dining-like restaurant where we enjoyed excellent food and delicious wine. Then we played pool at Alehouse. This picture was taken later that night at Dick's Wings where we listened to some dueling pianos; they were talented musicians and knew every song that was requested. This was one of those nights that I will cherish the memory of forever.

It is strange to think of how people, some merely acquaintances, others close friends, come in and out of and sometimes back into our lives again. I rarely talk to the ten or so close close friends I had in high school and much less to other friends from high school. I have not had any contact with Natalie for months now since she moved and got a new phone. All of this to say that friends coming in and out of our lives seems to be a normal part of life, not necessarily a good or bad part, and memories are an awesome gift.

Psalm 113: A Prayer for Elaine

2009-03-18T16:14:00.003-04:00

Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord! Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised! The Lord is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens! Who is like the Lord our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people. He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!

This is my prayer for my sister, Elaine, who has been unable to conceive so far. The last verse is an allusion to the story of Hannah.

My Favorite St. Augustine Quote

2009-03-18T16:03:00.002-04:00

"You stir man to take pleasure in praising you, because you have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."

And even when everyone and every situation pushes us to never rest we rest.

Human Relationships

2009-03-12T15:09:00.002-04:00

That two or more humans who have never met and share the same language can meet and have a conversation, enjoying and learning from each others stories, coming to understand each others feelings and what not, that is a beautiful thing.

Covenant Member Teaching

2009-03-12T14:47:00.002-04:00

"In his recent book on Austen Farrer (Light in a Burning-Glass), Robert Slocum notes that Farrer recognized that human beings are never themselves by themselves. Children are 'like idiots in the cradle' who would remain so 'if no one had smiled them into smiling back, or talked us into talking.' We become humans when 'we are smiled and talked into being so.' So too, we are 'talked and loved into religious belief.'" Peter Leithart

A human is, in one sense, human at conception but must be taught to be human nonetheless. Parents and a variety of other teachers speak their children into humanity, telling them who they really are already. If Farrer is right in equating the means of our human and religious becoming, how does a parent speak an unbaptized child into Christian being? The lesson must be "this is who you may one day become" as opposed to "this is who you are."

We Worry and Talk Too Much

2009-03-10T13:35:00.001-04:00

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10

Ironic Errand

2009-03-10T13:31:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago my roommate/friend Jamie, friend Jason and I went to Winn Dixie to buy some steaks to grill. Jason came over with a bag of extra change he had collected and said that he was going to use the coin-counting machine to change his change into cash. So, I decided to get rid of some of my change because I had never used the machine and wanted to try it. We each ended up with about forty dollars cash. The ironic part was that there were a few girls standing outside the store asking for donations to a cause we were not interested in supporting although this did serve as a reminder for me to give to worthy causes, not that their cause was unworthy, its just that there are countless causes, people etcetera to give money to while having a steak dinner with some friends is a good thing too. Ethics in a classroom is different than ethics at Winn Dixie and I must say that I did not feel guilty at all. Jason and I both walked by the girls with bags full of change and laughed because of the irony of the situation. I wish giving did not have to be prompted by an event. I wish it were like breathing, no need for posters, or explanations, just a person in need simply asking a person whose heart is filled with love for some help. There are many people I know that would have felt guilty for walking by the girls without giving which is horrible. The guilt comes from a lack of understanding what it means to give. Giving should be a free and enjoyable action on part of the giver. We are limited on how much we can give and need wisdom.

Quotes Concerning Christian Identity

2009-03-06T09:54:00.002-05:00

"For the pusillanimous person is worthy of goods, but deprives himself of the goods he is worthy of, and would seem to have something bad in him because he does not think he is worthy of the goods. Indeed he would seem not to know himself; for if he did, he would aim at the things he is worthy of, since they are goods. For all that, such people seem hesitant rather than foolish. But this belief of theirs actually seems to make them worse. For each sort of person seeks what [he thinks] he is worth; and these people hold back from fine actions and practices, and equally from external goods, because they think they are unworthy of them." from Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, Book IV, Chapter 3.

"Save us from our 'piety,' from our never ending, clever complaining of our own wretchedness. Lord turn our hearts away from that wicked self-absorption masked as "contrition." Give us instead, hearts of joy, hearts of belief - that is, give us faith. Give us the strength to be more certain of the Gospel than of trifle occasions past. Give us eyes that believe the future more strongly than we believe the present and the past. Give us eschatological eyes." Scott Schultz

"...you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." 1 Peter 2:9-10

"Transformation of life is not an implication of the gospel but inherent in the gospel, because the good news is about transformation of life." Peter Leithart

Jazz Vespers at St John's Cathedral

2009-02-17T13:12:00.004-05:00

When you walk into the cathedral it is obvious that something serious is about to happen. We sat in the nave which has a ceiling that looks like the bottom structure of a ship; Jesus has turned the world upside down and we are saved as Noah was inside the ark he made. I sat down in a pew and looked around somewhat confused as to the purpose of everything inside the cathedral which was good. God is not simple; he is mysterious in many ways and clear in others. This is black history month so the music was primarily African-American spirituals and Jazz classics by Joplin etc. An African-American couple came in after I did and went up to a group of white people, hugging and kissing them. This was beautiful and almost made me cry. The music was beautiful and the musicians enjoyed it as much as I did. We read scripture, prayed and sang together. There was a short lesson on the courage of Esther which was amazing.

Valentine's Day is Over

2009-02-15T00:37:00.004-05:00

Valentine's Day for a Red Lobster employee means utter chaos. Went in at 12:30 PM and just got home. I am glad tomorrow is a day of rest.

Continuing the Previous Post

2009-02-06T09:51:00.003-05:00

"In human affairs of danger and delicacy successful conclusion is sharply limited by hurry. So often men trip by being in a rush. If one were properly to perform a difficult and subtle act, he should first inspect the end to be achieved and then, once he had accepted the end as desirable, he should forget it completely and concentrate solely on the means. By this method he would not be moved to false action by anxiety or hurry or fear. Very few people learn this." John Steinbeck, from East of Eden

Slow Down Your Moving Too Fast

2009-01-28T15:05:00.002-05:00

Here are several quotes from a book I began to read today by Carl Honore called In Praise of Slowness. These quotes are important to consider because it is easy to assume that the pace at which we currently live our lives is the pace at which we should and may live our lives.

"When we rush, we skim the surface, and fail to make real connections with the world and other people."

"We have forgotten how to look forward to things, and how to enjoy the moment when they arrive."

"Instead of thinking deeply, or letting any idea simmer in the back of the mind, our instinct now is to reach for the nearest sound bite."

"Anyone or anything that steps in our way, that slows us down, that stops us from getting exactly what we want when we want it, becomes the enemy."

Epicetus on Our Reaction to Gain and Loss

2009-01-16T14:58:00.003-05:00

"Never say about anything, 'I have lost it,' but instead, 'I have given it back.' Did your child die? It was given back. Did your wife die? She was given back. 'My land was taken.' So this too was given back. 'But the person who took it was bad!' How does the way the giver asked for it back concern you? As long as he gives it, take care of it as something that is not your own, just as travelers treat an inn." from Encheiridion

Elevator?

2009-01-13T18:39:00.002-05:00

Why do we call these contraptions elevators when we use them not only to go to a higher level, to be elevated, but to also descend to lower levels?

Christy update, kind of.

2009-01-08T14:05:00.001-05:00

A while back I mentioned my friend Christy being very sick: http://wesleyja.blogspot.com/2008/09/disappearing-breaths.html
It had been a couple of months since I had spent time with her until last night when I visited her at her new house for a bit and today when I went with her and her kids to Dave and Busters. She acts the same as she always has over the 3 or 4 years that I have known her. Since last night I have been wondering whether or not she may be experiencing some kind of denial. Consider the Five Stages of Grief, the first being Denial. The other four are Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These are stages that most people go through when they find out that they are going to die. Christy speaks of what she would like to be doing a few years from now even though she told me a few months ago that she only has about a year or so to live. I don't understand and don't know whether or not I should ask her how she is doing.

On Listening

2009-01-07T13:58:00.003-05:00

"Samuel began to talk to push the silence away. He told how he had first come to the valley fresh from Ireland, but within a few words neither Cathy nor Adam was listening to him. To prove it, he used a trick he had devised to discover whether his children were listening when they begged him to read to them and would not let him stop. He threw in two sentences of nonsense. There was no response from either Adam or Cathy. He gave up." from John Steinbeck's East of Eden.
This is one of the reason's why I enjoy reading literature, we humans are connected in our humanness despite our living in separate bits of time and in different places. The time and place any human or group of humans lives within is definitely significant in determining who he or she or they will be but there is still that 'humanness' in us all, for good or evil.
The above quote reminds me of one Sunday afternoon lunch I shared with my friend Andrea. We ate at P.F. Chang's in the St. Johns Town Center which I had never been to. We sat, talking and 'listening' to each other all through our meal. Well, sometimes Andrea's mind wonders to who knows (I suppose only an omniscient god) where? Well, I picked up on her habit of wondering and was able to sympathize due to my own habit of wondering off to imagined places. Nonetheless, I had to experiment as Samuel does in East of Eden. At one point during our meal I was talking about something that I thought was interesting and said, between two sentences of my story, "So I guess we should all just worship Satan," to which Andrea responded "Uh huh."
However, she as since become a better listener...humans change all the time.

One of my favorite songs ever

2009-01-06T10:17:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f06QZCVUHg

Although I must disclaim the laziness and irresponsibility as seen in the video, the classic "good ole days" feeling is what I enjoy. And I enjoy listening to this song now with the thought that I am living my good ole days right now. It also reminds me of my teenage years growing up in my parents neighborhood playing guitar with friends and what not.

A New Semester

2009-01-05T12:42:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day of classes at UNF which I am excited about. This will more than likely be my last full semester as I hope to finish this summer. It will be strange not being a student at UNF and I am thankful for the time I have remaining, for the people that I will meet and for what I will learn and unlearn. The following is a Catholic prayer I am praying as the semester begins:

"Incomprehensible Creator, the true Fountain of light and only Author of all knowledge: deign, we beseech Thee, to enlighten our understanding, and to remove from us all darkness of sin and ignorance. Thou, who makest eloquent the tongues of those who lack utterance, direct our tongues, and pour on our lips the grace of thy blessing. Give us a diligent and obedient spirit, quickness of apprehension, capacity of retaining, and the powerful assistance of Thy holy grace; that what we hear or learn we may apply to Thy honor and the eternal salvation of our own souls. Amen."

Ecclesiastes

2008-12-02T12:26:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

Mediocrity is a Magnet

2008-11-30T13:04:00.003-05:00

"Swearing love for art, they hovered on the edge of Bohemian life. Always friendly, they could never be anybody's friend; always reading, they could really never learn; always boasting of their passions, they could never really feel and were afraid to live." Richard Wright

Its That Time of the Year

2008-11-24T13:11:00.004-05:00

In a high pitched singing voice (Charlie Brown style): "Christmas time is here..." When cold is good because warmth is better. Families laughing loud, playing cards into the night, eating home-baked everythings such as apple bread and fudge. Giving presents we may not want but say "thank you" for anyway because we know the rules for staying on good terms with the people we know. The kind of friend I want: one who can, when given a gift from me that they do not like, tell me "I really do not like this gift and there are times when I do not like you but I love you which is different than liking you." I have a few of these and thank God for them.

Near Death Brings Life Near

2008-10-03T11:49:00.002-04:00

"'She would of been a good woman,' The Misfit said, 'if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life.'" Flannery O'Connor, from her short story A Good Man is Hard to Find

No Marriage in Heaven

2008-10-03T11:43:00.000-04:00

Afternoon naps should be included in our lists of what we call "means of grace." I tend to become dependant on naps and therefore only take one every couple of weeks or so. A few days ago I laid down to take a nap and started to think: 'why do we have to wait to fall asleep to begin dreaming?' That place between sleep and wakefulness seems just as good or better a time to dream because you have some level of control over the content of the dream. And so, physically tired and mentally in a sort of daze, I began to imagine, began to pseudo-dream: We were sitting outdoors in a grassy place in the kind of weather that promises you that you should be exactly where you are. There was at least one huge hundred-year-old oak tree nearby giving shade to the four of us. The thought of sitting there with the three women, each of whom are dear friends, one of whom I dated, the other two of whom I at one time or another were somewhat interested in dating and whom I still care for, did not concern me; we were together at peace, talking and laughing together with no worries and the best of intentions for each other.

If this dream were to actually happen now, I'm not sure how I would act. Each of these women bring out a Wesley in me that only they can. If I were forced to be Wesley one, two and three at the same time perhaps some new and better person would emerge but I can't imagine what he would be like. This made me think of how relationships will look when God's kingdom is complete however that may come about. Imagine a world, a city with no adversity, no jealousy, with peace and unity with God. How should we think and live now in light of the future?

The Purpose of the Gospel of John

2008-10-02T11:08:00.002-04:00

"Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." John 20:30

As we hear this gospel preached over the next year or so may we wrestle hard with the many implications of what it means to believe in Jesus the Messiah, the Son of God and may we come to understand and enjoy the life that is found in his name. May you correct any dangerous misunderstandings or lazy assumptions we may have and want to hold on to concerning Jesus. Use this gospel to energize us to advance your kingdom. Strengthen and encourage Shane as he studies and preaches each week.

Wind

2008-09-25T14:02:00.002-04:00

A silent teacher:
There are things that cannot be
observed that exist.

Think and Tell

2008-09-22T12:01:00.002-04:00

The last post made me get all sentimental, wanting to look through old yearbooks while listening to Green Day's Good Riddance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZuJIr_uW3M

Tell me some childhood memories or any ole memory so we can be thankful for them.

Reminiscent Pixels

2008-09-22T10:40:00.003-04:00

This picture was taken on Christmas morning of 2006. Lyrics to a song that I began writing years ago: "Pictures hanging on the wall will fall in time into your mind answering the question of 'where do days go?'" It amazes me to look at pictures like this remembering who we were then in light of who we are now. Elaine and Dave were not married but had met. I had not met Andrea (I look so happy...jk) and was rooming with Dave at the Oaks. Its time to dust off old journals and remember what was going on then.

Bright Light Shining in a Cloudy Mess of a Mind

2008-09-16T19:28:00.003-04:00

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." King Solomon

Realism and Love

2008-09-14T15:46:00.002-04:00

Realism: 1) interest in or concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc. 2) In literature: a theory of writing in which the ordinary, familiar, or mundane aspects of life are represented in a straightforward or matter-of-fact manner that is presumed to reflect life as it actually is.
I have a tendency to fantasize (not in the sexual way that the word is typically understood to describe) when thinking about anything, which is good in moderation. Everyone does this to some degree. In other words, I imagine things to be different than they really are with the intention of making them what I imagine they should be or praying that God will make them so. Prayer requires imagination. May we always be awed by the world and the situations the Creator has placed us in, whether good or bad. In other words, may we view the world we live in with excitement, both the good and bad parts, instead of thoughtlessly performing our routines until we die.
I have known Christy for three or four years and have mostly had a romanticized notion of her, mainly being around her when we were at work or meeting to run or have a drink etc, but not seeing the ugly, the unlovable, even the grotesque parts of who she is. Several days ago she sent me a message saying that she was at home in pain and hungry. When I arrived at her house she was crying from the pain and spitting in a trash can because of the operation on her mouth. She looked tired and sick, weighing 95 pounds when she should weigh 115 pounds. My understanding of who she is is a bit more accurate now, not just by seeing these things but by sitting and talking with her as well. Loving Christy means more to me now and probably to her as well.

The Church

2008-09-14T15:06:00.001-04:00

A decadent race
but destined for holiness,
called to love fiercely.

Comments and Communal Thought

2008-09-14T14:54:00.003-04:00

Sarah Brown, my friend and fellow church member, recently mentioned wanting to comment on a post but I have never allowed comments for at least two reasons. 1) Blogging is not the best way to communicate with people; face to face conversation seems the best way to communicate. We do not appreciate place enough these cell phone ridden days and "Human actions and the places in which such actions occur are intimately related." The tendency for misunderstanding is greater when no face to face conversation takes place. And it is easy to take for granted the beauty of human interaction, the beauty of the eyes into which you look as you talk, etc. 2) Laziness: Much of what I have said on this blog is probably in need of either clarification (communication of what's in my head is hard for me often) or obliteration or modification (if false). In other words, dialogue will be helpful. Oh yea, there's a 3) I'm not a fan of 'cool post' or 'i agree' type of comments. But its no big deal if it happens anyway. The point is, substantial dialogue would be nice...

So I'm gonna try allowing comments and see what happens but not before giving all who read this a word of encouragement: make a point to enjoy the place you are currently at and the people you are currently with, or soon to be with.

If there are any previous posts that you would like to comment on tell me and I will allow comments on them.

Comments?

2008-09-12T11:25:00.002-04:00

What are the pros and cons of allowing comments?

Man and Beast

2008-09-11T10:15:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, as I hiked from a parking lot to a classroom at UNF a dragonfly with a wingspan of three feet (or inches...all the same) scared the fearlessness out of me as it flew right in front of my face. It then suddenly landed right in front of me on the sidewalk and I stepped the life out of it and then felt bad at the thought that maybe it was sorry for scarring me and was humbly kneeling before me in penitence. So I will add the poor thing to the list of animals I have killed along with the weapon used in each case: 1) a pigeon with a paintball gun who may have lived although we think a cat may have finished him off...i just know that it fell onto a metal shed beneath the tree it was peacefully perched upon and that it had a very orange chest the last time I saw it 2) a seagull with a soda can full of sea shells (didn't actually throw it but aided in the baiting process...aka chip thrower) and we didn't actually kill it although I wanted to just to put it out of its misery like I did for the 3) wounded bat, who was limping along in the UNF library, with the heaviest book I could find, 4) a crab at the beach who was picking a fight with me...or running away...can't remember...with a sandal.
Disclaimer: I love animals. Proof: a few weeks ago I house sat for my former professor who has three dogs, a cat, six guinea pigs, two turtles, six fish, two iguanas, a frog and boa constrictor, all of which are still alive.

Stooges Stumbling Forward

2008-09-11T09:52:00.010-04:00

The unity of the Christian Church is unbreakable and forgiveness within her is abundant. That is, the unity between each individual member as well as the unity between all members and their God. In the Christian Church we are defined as a family, an eternal family despite our modern inventions of 'dating' and what not.

But

2008-09-10T13:11:00.002-04:00

'Decadence' often seems the more accurate of the two. Saepe peccamus.

Both And

2008-09-08T11:04:00.000-04:00

We are a decadent and holy race.

Mystically Bland

2008-09-08T10:41:00.000-04:00

Many factors influence the way in which one views the world. The formation of ones 'worldview' is a complex, difficult to understand process. Now think in less individualistic terms. The formation of a community's worldview is all the more complex. I like to think of the beauty of the diversity of beliefs, goals, dreams, memories of experinces, feelings etcetera that are floating around in the room in which my church meets every sunday. All of us, despite the immense diversity, are united as we hear the Word and eat and drink the body and blood of Jesus.

Disappearing Breaths

2008-09-06T15:40:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I received a text message from my friend Christy Brown, who was recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease, that said "Just gt out hospital .i died today" to which I responded with a phone call. She had gone in to have some wisdom teeth removed but ended up having five teeth taken out. The post-op medication and her body hated each other; she stopped breathing and her heart stopped pumping until they shocked her. At this point in our conversation I am beginning to feel broken (for lack of a better term...not just sad) for her but it got much worse. Much worse. Christy recently received the results of several blood tests: she has 17 viruses in her blood. She came to see me at work a week or so ago and told me these results and said that she should be dead. The doctors prescribed a number of antibiotics to her, none of which are working...she learned this yesterday. The doctor and a couple of counselors explained that she has 9 to 12 months to live. Her organs will begin to shut down...one of her lungs is already being effected.

She has two beautiful 'babies,' a six year old boy and a five year old girl with big personalities and blonde hair neither of whom know that their mom is probably going to die soon. Christy is writing her will so that Brendon and Nelly wont be given to their sorry excuse of a father but to Christy's mom and dad who will take good care of them. My 26 year old, goofy, crazy, down to earth, truthful, beautiful friend is writing her will.

Christy wants to come to church with me again and to talk about things that otherwise wouldn't be talked about. It is good to go to the house of mourning rather than the house of rejoicing according to the wisest man ever. I pray that Christy and I will come to see more clearly, to follow more closely, to love Jesus.

A Carpe Diem Lesson

2008-09-04T19:33:00.010-04:00

A recent roommate porch conversation turned from the small talk of work and petty worries into a carpe diem lesson. Jaime told me of the frustration he has at thinking of the many things he has wanted to do in the past but never got around to. Then we talked about the future...it seems to me that this inaction typically becomes habitual. Andrea, my ex-girlfriend, told me that my worst habit/characteristic is being too laid-back to the point where I do not get things done that need to be done because I do not worry about anything. And so, Jaime and I were describing our mutual disgust at our inaction, our mutual laziness, our mutual letting priceless opportunities fall to oblivion from which they mock us for letting them go. Then it hit me, mid-conversation, that we were doing the very thing we wanted to be rid of...we were sitting there talking about how horrible it is to sit around and talk about things we want or need to do. From the time I have moved into our apartment I have wanted to jump off our second floor balcony onto the grass below, which I told Jaime as I climbed to the other side of the banister. I was in the air as Jaime said "You wont do it." You could see it in his eyes when I came back up stairs with dirty feet and a smiling face that he understood...tonight...we begin tonight. "To change ones life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions." ~James Joyce
Jaime learned what 'carpe diem' means: seize the day. Jaime said he has always wanted to swim in our apartment-complex pond...we did. Stepping into the mud on one side we began, not a fast swim, but an enjoyable one, although honestly my mind was focused a good part of the time on the possible creatures we were swimming with. About forty feet from the other edge I was attacked by a centimeter-thick-anaconda which turned out to be the cord that attaches the fountain to shore. Anyway, we made it to the other side with one more task to do...which I recommended because of the thought of what might be growing on us. We went swimming in the pool so that Jaime could try a front flip which he had never done. I showed him how to do it and he eventually tried a few times which was the point...he tried. He didn't make it all the way around but he tried.
These small seemingly insignificant steps...may they lead to larger more loving ones. Hush

Concerning the last post...

2008-09-01T13:58:00.002-04:00

that needs to happen...we are self-deceiving creatures. We will waist our breathe-length lives for countless nothings if we do not start making changes NOW...no excuses...no exceptions...and dont forget the flamboyancy part...

James 1:22

2008-08-29T13:23:00.001-04:00

"To change one's life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No exceptions." ~William James

"Back to school, back to school"

2008-08-28T16:46:00.003-04:00

My roommate made me sing that song (by adam sandler in billy madison) as I walked out the door to head off to UNF once again. This fresh semester is potentially going to be one of the more enjoyable ones, what with my new found freedom having broken up during the summer, a freedom that is being mutually enjoyed by my ex and myself. I mean "freedom" in the sense that there are things one can do when single that are impossible or harder to do when in a relationship. Not sure how many classes are going to be on the schedule this semester but probably 3 or 4. Two things make me want to curse: 1) cell-phones, especially when someone picks his or her's up when we are in the midst of an actual face to face conversation or enjoying a certain place, http://wesleyja.blogspot.com/2007/10/cell-phone.html. 2) When people are unnecessarily busy and/or worrisome. I say 'unnecessarily' because I don't pretend to know what it is like to raise a family or have a full time job in addition to other responsibilities. But there are people who unnecessarily commit their selves to more than is possible to do well and then constantly worry about getting it all done. Therefore I refuse to become uninterruptable because school is too pressing. Anyway, I am excited about the new semester..."Open lands, open minds" Terry Tempest Williams.

Look Down There

2008-08-12T01:28:00.000-04:00

Jane Austen is spot on when she says that "Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." My room-mate and I have had the awesome opportunity to encourage each other over the past month or so through our respective break-ups. Jamie and I were sitting on our porch talking, as we often do, and came to the realization that we will look back on these days with laughter knowing that god has our best in mind; his wisdom and knowledge are beyond what we can imagine.

Back of the same

2008-08-07T10:38:00.002-04:00

"...Dixieland: its back end was built high off the ground on wet columns of rotting brick." Thomas Wolfe from Look Homeward, Angel

Thomas Wolfe's Childhood House

2008-08-07T10:08:00.009-04:00

"Dixieland was a big cheaply constructed frame house of eighteen or twenty drafty high-ceilinged rooms: it had a rambling, unplanned, gabular appearance, and was painted a dirty yellow. It had a pleasant green front yard, not deep but wide, bordered by a row of young deep-bodied maples..." Thomas Wolfe from Look Homeward, Angel

Once Again

2008-07-27T11:57:00.002-04:00

"It was he, then, who, an hour ago was kissing little Calixta's ear and whispering nonsense into it. Calixta was like a myth, now. The one, only, great reality in the world was Clarisse standing before him, telling him that she loved him." Kate Chopin from At the 'Cadian Ball

Grass

2008-07-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

Underground army,
stabbing green swords into air,
keep thrusting deeper.

Sermon

2008-07-27T11:33:00.001-04:00

Sound waves move through air,
stopping inside many ears.
Physical is good.

Crohn's Disease

2008-07-24T16:18:00.004-04:00

I recently found out that my friend has been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. She is 26 and I have always known her to be full of energy and always on the go (despite the fact that, or maybe because, she has two beautiful, energy-filled kids) which makes it hard to think of her sitting at home, tired and in pain, although she has a high tolerance for it. My pastor's wife has had the same disease for many years...Ashlie has been unbelievably strong through it all and I believe she gets her strength from YHWH. I pray and hope Christy will try to find her strength from the same source.

"Heavenly Father, giver of life and health: Comfort and relieve your sick servants, and give your power of healing to those who minister to their needs, that those for whom our prayers are offered may be strengthened in their weakness and have confidence in your loving care; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever."
(Book of Common Prayer)

Ridgecrest Fort

2008-07-17T17:28:00.010-04:00

Dave and I kneel safely inside the fort we built
behind the cabin at Ridgecrest, awaiting the enemy.

Durden Fighting Disney

2008-07-17T10:47:00.000-04:00

This was originally written as a final paper for a literature course:

As seemingly fit and full citizens of a Disneyized society we paid our admission to the park. We were baptized into this society, the water pouring over us as we rode on the water-rapid ride. We took Disneyized communion, breaking funnel cakes not bread, drinking watered-down beer not wine. Throughout the day I could not keep scenes from Shindler’s List and various Pro-Vegan films that document the horrors of slaughterhouses from coming to mind as we stood in numerous lines awaiting not our physical deaths but the potential death of our imaginations. Subconscious voices screamed “Buy this merchandise and you will be happy, you will be complete, you will remember your experience of simplified and sanitized history and you will remember experiencing the magic of the fantasy world where pain and death do not exist.” We did not listen. We began to fall away from the Disney faith as other, more realistic voices screamed louder. Then, we punched Disney in the face, figuratively speaking, breaking the lenses through which he sees and through which he manipulates others to see, our fists reminding him of the reality of pain and the grotesque. Upon hearing Disney’s narrative spoken and acted as truth we responded “false.” These preceding sentences describe my thoughts concerning a recent experience I had while visiting a Disneyized park. By comparing Disney’s all-encompassing narrative and praxis, called ‘Disneyization,’ with the alternative, though somewhat extreme, narrative and praxis of the protagonist of Chuck
Palahniuk’s novel Fight Club, we will be better able to see the negative effects Disney has had and currently has upon our society. This novel can be understood as a commentary on our current Disneyized society, specifically concerning the following more or less intertwining issues: first, the destruction, simplification, sanitization and/or perversion of history and culture, including the ignoring of the reality of pain, death and the grotesque and secondly, the misplaced importance upon consumerism and entertainment as the end for which humanity exists.
Alan Bryman, in his The Disneyization of Society, explores a variety of issues concerning the primarily negative influence Disney (the corporation conceived and nurtured by the late Walt Disney) has had and continues to have upon our contemporary society. Disneyization has, like the ancestors of our American forefathers of old, traveled over seas; Disneyization has increasingly become a global movement. However, there is a significant difference between the two entities (the ‘Pilgrims’ and Disneyization) that have crossed the sea. The former broke from the obviously tyrannical British rule, “an externally imposed oppression” (Postman vii). They eventually declared their independence, determined to preserve their “unalienable rights… [including] Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness” (Jefferson 53). The latter promotes/is a covert and very different kind of tyranny. In this Disney tyranny, “no Big Brother is required to deprive people of their autonomy, maturity and history”…Instead “people [living under this tyranny have] come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think” (Postman vii). In other words, the oppression Disney imposes on our current society is not seen as oppression but as natural and good. By comparing Bryman
and Palahniuk we will be able to see this oppression for what it is and will be better equipped to make changes to overcome the same.
In studying history we seek to discover and describe the complex stories of past cultures and events including a variety of positive and negative elements such as peace and war, life and death, pleasure and pain, joy and sadness, plenty and poverty, cleanness and dirt and everything in between all of these. Bryman describes one aspect of Disneyization as “a distinctive approach to literature and history that entails a crude simplification that also cleanses the object being Disneyfied of unpleasantness” (Bryman 12). Both past (historical) and present events typically necessarily include an element of discomfort and/or pain although they are often mixed with an element of comfort and/or pleasure. Few true stories have a completely happy ending. There have always been happily married couples; there have always been bitterly divorced couples and the former often turn into the latter.
Chuck Palahniuk, in his Fight Club, tells the story of Tyler Durden who is one half of the split personality of the protagonist. Tyler comes alive when his other unnamed half goes to what he thinks is sleep but in reality is insomnia. Tyler is the creator of ‘Fight Club’ which is a gathering of men who fight each other, one on one, until one of the fighters says “stop.” Tyler eventually creates ‘Project Mayhem’ whose “goal was to teach each man in the project that he had the power to control history”…he wants us to know that “We, each of us, can take control of the world” (Palahniuk 122). Ultimately, Durden promotes history despite the fact that he and his followers “wanted to blast the world free of history…the goal of Project Mayhem [being] the complete and right-away
destruction of civilization” (Palahniuk 124-5). Although Tyler and his followers seek to destroy historical artifacts, they indirectly promote history in that they understand and act upon the fact that human actions (good and bad, righteous and evil, loving and hateful) matter. Human actions are a large part of what history consists of. When reading a historical text, we do not expect to encounter simple descriptions of non-human objects such as rocks and plants in a vacuum. Instead, we expect to read about such objects only as they relate to humanity, for example, how those rocks were cut and formed into significant architectural structures, composed into cities and art or perhaps how those plants were eaten by humans for survival and enjoyment.
The result of Disney’s historical interpretation or perversion can be described as “‘memory with the pain removed’” (Bryman 174). When pain is removed, reality goes with it. This may be more difficult for our modern minds to grasp than it was for those who lived in a pre-anesthesia world. Fight Club was started for a number of reasons including Tyler’s desire to not “die without a few scars,” embracing the reality of pain and death (Palahniuk 48). Tyler Durden burns himself by kissing his hand with his wet lips and adding lye having concluded that “maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer…Maybe self-destruction is the answer” (Palahniuk 49). Perhaps Durden goes to an extreme here and we would be better off somewhere in between self-improvement and self-destruction.
It is important to understand that the civilization Tyler wants to destroy when he creates Project Mayhem is a civilization in which the citizens are defined by their possessions, only caring about history as it relates to monetary value. They are consumers
to the core, much like the citizens Disney successfully seeks to produce. Tyler first destroys his own home, blowing everything he spent his life to buy out the side of his fifteenth floor apartment. Everything he formerly defined himself by is burnt to ashes. This is Tyler’s first step in a long but consistent process of liberation, freedom from living as though the things that do not matter, such as collecting possessions, is the raison d’être of humanity. Tyler understands what it means to be “trapped in your lovely nest [where] the things you used to own, now they own you” (Palahniuk 44).
Bryman explains that “citizenship under Disneyization almost comes to be defined in terms of one’s capacity to consume” which excludes many thereby causing many unnecessary, negative self-evaluations (Bryman 172). Such extreme consumerism also causes many to embrace a false hope in their possessions, acquiring them and keeping them as though they will last forever. Many of these same consumers live as though they will never die. The relationship such people have with their possessions proves this. Tyler Durden reaches a point where he confesses, “I am helpless. I am stupid, and all I do is want and need things” (Palahniuk 146). We must view our society through new lenses, a different set of lenses than those through which Disney sees, because “Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don’t really need” and contentment is still lacking (Palahniuk 149).
The problem of having an overly consumerist society is closely related to the problem of having an overly entertainment-driven society. This connection can be seen simply in the content of what is consumed by such a society, for example, theatre tickets, DVDs, restaurant bills (including the cost of a performer/server (unless the server refuses
to fake a smile or act in any way, like me)), theme park tickets, Las Vegas experiences, etc. Neil Postman begins his Amusing Ourselves to Death by describing the difference between two seemingly similar prophecies, one being told by George Orwell in his 1984, the other being told by Aldous Huxley in his Brave New World. Postman describes some of the major differences between the two prophecies saying, “What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one…Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture…” (Postman vii). Although Postman does not have Disney per se in mind, the culture he is describing is almost synonymous with the same.
Keep in mind that Bryman is describing and critiquing Disney’s overarching story or worldview and that Palahniuk is creating an alternative overarching story in his novel. Disney’s story is one of cute tyranny while Palahniuk’s is one of extreme realism, though overly nihilistic in that death equals “oblivion” (Palahniuk 193). Having compared these two stories a bit and critiquing both, more or less, we are better able to think of Disney’s familiar and covert story in fresh, albeit depressing ways. History should be viewed more clearly and with more respect and awe (in its’ complexity). The reality of pain and death should come closer to the forefront of our minds. This will consequently help us to appreciate pleasure and life more. Possessions should be consistently kept as possessions instead of becoming possessors.
The rich and wise King Solomon of the Old Testament conducted an experiment in which he pleasured himself in every way he possibly could (he had the resources to do this), such as building numerous houses and gardens and drinking fine wine. He then saw that these were all vanity. Tyler Durden destroyed such things not wanting to be “complete…content…or perfect” (Palahniuk 46). Solomon’s conclusion to his experiment was that “the whole duty of man… [is to] fear God and keep his commandments” Ecclesiastes 12:13. However, this would require our society to find a completely new set of glasses where ‘Disney’ is not, in one way or another, synonymous with ‘God.’

Going to Ridgecrest Tomorrow

2008-07-07T06:39:00.003-04:00

This Will Happen

2008-06-26T12:46:00.004-04:00

After this I heard what seemed to be the loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, crying out, Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. Revelation 19:1-2

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. Revelation 21:2